New Year’s resolution for England

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New Year’s resolution for England

England is on a high. They have retained the Ashes and nailed the sprinkler dance routine. They celebrated with their fans and supporters, affectionately known as the Barmy Army. They laughed when Australian captain Ricky Ponting broke his little pinkie and cried when the tattooed cat, Mitchell Johnson racked their batting order in the third Ashes Test at Perth.

Yet, Her Majesty’s squad surpassed the Aussies only success venture in the Ashes series as they went on a rampage to slaughter Ponting and his men. They retained the Ashes and carried their urn-celebrations in quite a controlled explosion under the watchful eye of coach, Andy Flower. However, their celebrations were enough to rock the foundations of the team hotel in the suburbs of Melbourne, Victoria. However, the Englishmen will enter the New Year focussing on a series win at Sydney, followed by exerting their energies on the World Cup. The English cricket’s measure of a profoundly well-thought campaign in the land down under has taken many by surprise. The Barmy Army were waiting for something to go wrong, as it usually does, even before the Ashes series. They kept thinking that how can everything go in their favour, with the Aussies’ selection hoopla and their failing performance against India and Sri Lanka.

But the power above was on their side and England had a great last year. They won their first ever Twenty20 trophy and then they got to retain the Ashes trophy. The English are eyeing their first series win in Australia in twenty four years. The Englishmen were goggling alcohol as they partied hard, a part of which was relayed by Graeme Swann in his series of Ashes video diary that can be found on the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB). As they drank up and had their one night out with their LBW’s (lovers, belles and wives) and their children of course (orange juice for them), they also rolled out a couple of New Year’s resolutions for the Year 2011.

Some of them were of course leaked by WicketLeaks, a joint venture between Pakistani runaway wicketkeeper Zulqarnain Haider and Australia’s injured Ricky Ponting. Yes, they are out of professional work but they are carrying off the business as usual.

Win the Ashes Series 3-1

The lads are pretty drunk, of course it is obvious. Even little boy wonder ‘Zulqi’ Haider saw it coming. A series win could be so much better than just retaining the urn. If they win the Sydney Test, it will be 3-1. It looks so beautiful to write and see this. Graeme ‘Swanny’ Swann wrote this a hundred times on his Twitter page and drew hearts on his Facebook page. He will be writing this hundred times more after completing day two at Sydney. A 2-2 levelled series won’t look handsome enough than a 3-1 series win, that too on Australian soil.

They can make it possible by learning the skill of kicking a man when he is down. But they are too drunk and the hangover will prevent them in learning it, so they might unleash the clown on the Aussies.

Perform in the World Cup

The supporters are worried about this one. It is a tricky situation. They won’t have enough time. They will still be in Australia playing their one-day series. The team will get old and there will be signs of wear and tear. But that is the point of the New Year’s resolution. England is not promising to win the World Cup rather they will perform in the World Cup. Read: they will “try” to avoid early embarrassment.

Andrew Strauss

What a great 2010 he had. Well, even he is not sure what he did but he did lead the side. His resolution will be to stick with the cap and will try not to chuck in their usual howler in the World Cup. However, he fears his side may get defeated by Netherlands or Canada. So his resolution is to prepare a little statement when the British media will be tossing him. He is pretty drunk but he is already constructing it, “a single loss to the Chad cricket team does not mean we are written off, but the lads of course need to concentrate on their game...”

The Big-Head syndrome

Yes, the English are great in it. Football had David Beckham and then they lost to Qatar to have the FIFA World Cup hosting rights. They can rant on Twitter, may be throwing in Elizabeth Hurley to have that x-factor but when it comes to keeping their feet on the ground- the English are pretty bad at it.

So their 2011 resolution will be to keep Kevin Pietersen in his own Lamborghini.

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